In between an examination

I dunno what the time is. Its been long though. I guess I've been sitting in this non descript classroom forever. If you've been compelled to write pages on a dry subject called E.V.E for 3 hours, probably you'd sympathize my plight. It is supposed to be the "Board of Intermediate Education" Public Exam on Environmental education. A hefty name for the really well i dunno what word to use but ya a kinda stupid exam. I'm just done with my paper; gone through all the formalities of filling up my details and blah, checked my answers and tied up my booklet. The examiner is sitting on the last bench busy making funny faces at the wall. Wonder why's he wearing a cap! I probably have the best seat in the whole classroom. And I'm truly grateful for it! Right in front of a window. There's some graffiti scrawled all over the glass pane and the noises from outside make me feel like i'm sitting on the main road. There's a motor drilling since the past million seconds, city buses honking their way to glory and motor vehicles in a race to win the next formula one! In short, everyone's busy minding their own business. The hawkers are selling their wares, the women at the roadside cafe are washing the dishes, the auto wallahs are looking for passengers and there's also a flag of some union fluttering lazily on the pole of a garish orange building. Its another busy Monday morning in the city. The scene in the classroom is hardly worth describing. Majority of the students are in eager anticipation of a signal from the examiner to dump their manuscripts and get out of the depressing building. A few are day dreaming idly.. probably of food and places without four walls. And there's also a small tricolor stuck on the black board, a marker of the republic day celebrations of last week. Ironically in a place infamous for curbing the right to express, right to freedom and right to practically everything. I now have this horrid feeling that if i don't get out of this place soon, i might rot. Decompose into nothingness. I actually don't get the point of even bothering to write this exam! I had to describe my favorite festival (which actually is very hard to pick among the hundred we celebrate every year!) and the environmental links and blah blah attached to it, an essay on globalization and agriculture, some random points on the ozone holes and how to harness wind energy. Stuff we've been reading. learning and writing for centuries! And everyone knew the paper anyways! It'd probably have been more fun if we had to demonstrate it i guess. Anyway, the exam once done is done. Chapter closed. And now I'm just sick of sitting here. Seems like an eternity just passed by. The next time you are forced to write an exam like this one which basically is a waste of paper, time and almost everything, remember to carry some polo. You at least have something to do. The whole act of eating some of it stealthily when the examiner is not looking and all is more interesting i suppose.

Oh wait! I guess it was the cue from the examiner to submit our papers. And thats also my cue to sign off now..

At a random exam hall on the 31'st of January.

Footsteps..

There suddenly come some points in our life which are just blind spots. Devoid of emotion, color and expression. We just get there. Somehow. Its a vague journey. It might actually be a while before we even got to realise that we were into it. And the initial time period when realisation kicks in is hard. Hard in the true sense of the word. Its true isn't it.. people always want the easier way out. Arrowheads and markers on the way and microwave popcorn. Though obviously there isn't anything wrong with it, it somehow is just too well i cant really get the right word, but its just all too easy. If it was a road like that with all travellers just following the arrows, probably my life would seem much more easier or rather a bit less tangled. Or maybe it would be one amazing adventure if there were just no arrows and milestones. Just figuring my way out in the wilderness. But my road is neither of them. Every inch of the road has a marker with an instruction. Every crossroad points a million directions. You may think that on such a road, I could be blind and even then reach my destination. I guess thats where both you and I are mistaken. Though i can't find a patch without a guiding arrow, its just a bit different from having none at all. Its weird. Maybe I just can't make any sense of it. Rather I don't want to make any sense out of it. We can't be told what to do every second. All of us need our fair share of space. No, I'm not all alone. There are many people along with me. Too many. And probably thats what makes it even more complicated. If you've been on a really long drive with all of your family and took a small detour and lost your way, and witnessed their simultaneous reactions, you'd kind of get the picture. Imagine thousands of voices screaming. We can't just remain a silent spectator. If we're to move ahead, we need to make ourself heard over the din. Roar. Its feels hopeless sometimes. Being unable to figure out instructions, sometimes managing to get half correct, the struggle to be heard and pave way to move ahead. Its seems very hard. And oh yes it is! Without a doubt. I can't really describe the experience. Its more of like trying to become a somebody from a nobody. A himalayan task! But I can tell you one thing. The moment we get past the helplessness and 'stuck in a maze with no way out' emotion, it feels better. Just by a minute degree or so. But still better than nothing at all. I can't really say that there's never sunshine. Being human, we all try to fit in wherever we are. Perhaps not completely, but well, as much as we can. So there is a bit of sunshine like i'd pointed above. Just sudden bursts of wind when the clouds clear and the world seems like paradise. But wind blows and moves on just like water and most things in life. So the gloom sets in ultimately. But when we spend so much time in a colourless place, we just tend to get used to it. And it just becomes a monotonous routine. Mundane and mechanical. But I'll tell you whats the best part of almost every journey? No matter how many ups and downs it has, or treacherous detours it has, it ends. Someday, sometime it will have to just end. But till we can't see the end, the only thing that we should never lose is hope. Never. At the moment I'm half way through my journey. I can't yet see the end. Its a long way ahead. But the haze is finally starting to clear. As for the million markers, i just learnt two things to do with them. Either be indifferent, or follow them. I often choose the former. Now you might be wondering why i chose that path. Well, that is one answer I just don't know. I just got there. Somehow. And since I'm here, I might as well make the most of my time. Maybe the end is waiting somewhere ahead. And that actually is a very cheerful thought. Enough incentive to work hard to move ahead today. 'Cause isn't it true.. 'A journey of a thousand miles begins with a footstep'. And its all the footsteps together which finally take us to our destination.