Looking for the shore

There's been much going on around me. A whole big world is moving on with its work. Is it just me so static? I haven't felt this wasted in ages. Hardly anything seems to be going my way. I have huge loads of study to do. Innumerable equations to be solved, pages of anatomy to be understood and so much more. I'm trying though. I'm sleeping less, cutting down on almost all recreation. Still doesn't seem enough. It wasn't supposed to be so hard. Or maybe its just me thinking it is. At one point, I thought that when people my age can do it, I should be able to too. Now I realise where I was wrong. Everyone's not the same. I can't be like everyone, nor can they be me. I think its just the way we look at the world. From my eyes, studying volumes is not the only thing that counts. Even for a short period of 2 years, its not the only thing to do. I haven't gone near the easel in ages. The veena is safely shut in its place. My blog hasn't seen new posts. In short, I haven't really had much of a life beyond shuttling between home and college. I've tried my best to accept the fact that this monotony will last another year and I just need to slog all through it. But you know what happens suddenly sometimes? You just feel like running away. Push everyone out. Build a cocoon in a corner far far away. Thats how I feel now. I don't know if I want this anymore. Wait. I do. I just don't know how to push myself further. I don't know where to start. What to do to make things right. But again, will it ever seem perfect? From time, I've learnt that if everything seems perfect, something is really wrong. So maybe that is just the way its supposed to be. Swim for survival. And keep swimming till you can finally reach the shore. And in the mean time, when the shore is still far out of sight, never. ever. lose hope. I guess that's all I need to do. Hope that I can reach the shore soon.  And believe in it.

At my table on the 6th of July.